Thursday, August 9, 2007

Once Upon a Time




I started working on this post last week, and never got it finished. Usually, in these cases, I delete old posts. However, having reread it, I feel about the same as I did last week, so I'm keeping it. The only thing I can now add to my rant is that it's still friggin hot, and our Taurus has been declared dead. In many ways, I would like to rejoice about that fact. I've wanted to drive that stupid car off a cliff for years. In other ways, I'm irritated because I now have to go car shopping. That's always fun. But we shall see what happens. So many lots, so little time.

On with the old post:

This week, I reached the 400 post point in my blog. Last month, the "three years running" point.

Sometimes I feel like I've gotten away from the intended reasons for starting this blog.

Sigh.

I guess I'm just having a melancholy day.

There is so much good in my life.

There is a lot of stress.

I handle it, I deal with what comes my way.

There are days I am so contented that I feel I could drift away, light and airy and free.

There are other days that I feel so burdened that I feel nauseous.

Like cancer can invade the body, depression lurks around the corner...trying to take over a person's thoughts. A person may receive treatment, but there is always the possibility that it will come back. And what does a person do if the cancer creeps back in? They cope. They fight it. They put one foot in front of the other until they survive or they succumb. There are only two choices. Live or die.

The sad thing is, people who are alive aren't always living.

Why?

They are busy. They have things to do. Money to make. Bills to pay. Houses to clean. Responsibilities. People to please. Neighbors to impress. Kids to feed. Animals to take care of. Run, run, run, run. I've said it many times before. Hamsters on wheels, running to and fro, keeping busy. Sometimes that's a real good way to avoid dealing with life.

Ah, nothing like posting here when I'm melancholy, so I can pull everyone else down in to the doldrums with me.

I have absolutely nothing to complain about.

I have everything in the world to complain about.

So, what to do?

Take inventory.

Here's what's bugging me right now:

Josh and his wildly cycling moods. No end in sight on that one.

Jess and her pushing (almost 15) to be more independent...it's a necessary evil, but I'm not ready.

Robert and his less wildly cycling moods. No end in sight on that one, either. You know, Robert is a good man. I love him. I respect him a great deal. He is a hard worker. He is a good dad. He is thoughtful. He does loving things, self sacrificing things to make me happy. I know that he is thinking of me regularly, and does things to show me that. He puts me ahead of himself most of the time.


However, there are times I wonder if our union can survive two more years of our life as it is now. With Josh's tantrums and fits. Plus the stress of having two other kids, who often get shuffled to the side in order to make room for their brother. Add to that the stress of me being the only one in the house that does not have ADHD. Sometimes it's almost more than I can take. Some days I feel like I'm going crazy trying to keep things straight. Keep the family straight. Forget even keeping me straight. That's a laugh!

Finances. In some ways, we're so much better off than this time last year. In other ways, worse. Okay, maybe not worse. At times I think, "We shouldn't do this and we shouldn't do that," but if we continue to do NOTHING all of our lives, we're gonna look back and say, "Where did the time go?" If we do that, we accumulate a stash of money in the bank, but we can't get back those wasted years. They're gone. I don't want to say that I did nothing and work my life away.

My schedule is another irritant in my life at this point. Right now I am running more than I have been in a while. Both boys are in football. That means: team meetings, writing checks right and left, team photos, cookouts, fundraisers, games, practices, scrimmages, etc.! Ugh! Does anyone have a remote so we can fast forward? In some ways, the football is fun. In other ways, it's exhausting. Of course, most anything is exhausting in this heat.

Now for the good: (Added in today, Thursday August 9th.) ;)

We still have two houses. My sister in law is moved in to the city house, and it is getting fixed up more and more each week. It looks great! (Compared to how it was looking.) We will be bringing in some rent...not much but some, beginning next month.

I just got a moderate raise. That helps!

My health is better than it has been in a long time. I can still breathe easily. That is a great feeling!

My pets are healthy and happy. (And mischevious, but that's how they should be!)

My kids are healthy, and mostly happy. School is getting ready to start, hallelujah! ;) Most of their school shopping is complete. There are always a few surprises that crop up due to individual teacher requests for supplies, but nothing that should break the bank.

As stated, I have a job, at which I have been employed nine years as of tomorrow.

I have wonderful, supportive friends.

In fact, I just made a new friend during track season. Her name is Jennifer; her son T.J. is friends with Josh. They were on the track team together and are now in football together. They live less than 2 miles from us. Her son Tyler is on Jo's football team. You know what that means? Ride sharing! Woo-hoo! We've already coordinated some great ride sharing and time saving plans. And, even better, we're both with the same cel phone company, so calls to each other's phones are air time free! Even more woo-hoo! It's so nice to have a friend that is a mother of three and works full time as well. She also has a Noah's ark of pets, she also lives out in the middle of nowhere. As she put it, "It's so nice to finally meet someone who is living my life!" ;) We do have so much in common, and I am grateful for having her in my life.

Even though I don't like having a car payment, I do have the finances to go car shopping and put a downpayment down. I have the Taurus for a trade in, which I am happy to see go.

I get to scrapbook occasionally, and I might tonight. I've been really in to card making lately, and that's something I can do even if I only have 15 free minutes.

There is so much for me to appreciate about my life!

There, I feel better. I always get the urge to take inventory when life gets tough.

Thanks for letting me get back to the roots of my blog, which is: rejoicing about the good stuff and venting about the bad.

I needed that.

3 comments:

neicybelle said...

thank you for sharing both the good and the bad! was missing you!

pat said...

Oh Kristi,
I know what you are feeling. Depression lurks right around the corner and I am forever trying to keep it at bay. You are correct about people being alive but not living. Lately, I feel like I barely survive. One foot in front of the other, yeah, that is what I do everyday. Trying to be positive, yeah, I am working on that one everyday too. Maybe, I am just tired of working at it. Why cannot it just happen? And I think it is crazy that your car, Holli's car and my own are all giving us problems. My car was towed from outside the front of my house to the mechanic just yesterday. But tomorrow's another day or is it?

Holli said...

You are so funny...
see thats why we blog... so we can go on and on about what's wrong and by the time we get to the end it's all worked out...
LOVE IT!
I got a new baby too... check my page to see her.