Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Whomp! The Anxiety Forces its Way Into my Psyche

That's it. Yesterday I was feeling pretty good, no particular mood. Maybe just contentment.

Today, I woke up, and like I said, "WHOMP!" in marched anxiety.

I don't know why; no, that's not entirely true: I DO know why. It's mainly financial worries, with Christmas coming. I mean, it's like this: Begin with a tight budget. Suddenly, I'm taking an already tight budget, adding a bit of trying to get Christmas gifts, stir in loss of overtime, add a pinch of basketball ($350+) expenses, sprinkle with a couple of unpaid days off, along with every day bills. This is a recipe for anxiety. And bills getting behind. Ugh!

Sometimes it feels like my life is like this: Lucy is life, holding the football, and I'm the gullible Charlie Brown, always trying to kick the stupid ball. When will I learn that Lucy is ALWAYS going to pull the ball away and I am going to end up flopping onto the ground? UGH!!!!!!! I don't know which is worse, the football getting yanked out from under me or the stupid kite eating tree! :) You know, I don't like to spend my life griping about stuff. I like my life. I am blessed in many ways. I don't want to sound whiney. But there are just times that I would like to crawl back in bed, cover my head and pretend the world doesn't exist. I can't do that, but I'd like to sometimes. Today was one of those days.

Let's see. I'm letting that rant go for now. I just had to get it off my chest. And boy, do I feel like eating a donut right about now! I've heard that adult children of alcoholics tend to crave sugary foods, like pastries. That may be true, since both my bioligical parents were alcoholics, and I love donuts. Darn my genetics! ;)

Speaking of not liking one's genetics, the doctor diagnosed Josh with asthma. Actually, he has seasonal allergies and has been on an inhaler before. Now they are saying that his biggest trigger is activity. Of course, this kid is one of the most physically fit kids I know. He has endless energy.

Every day when I get home from work, he has organized a football game in the side yard. He runs and roughhouses all afternoon. Then he goes to basketball practice for hours. When he can't get outside, he works out inside. He's 5'8" of lean muscle. I wouldn't have dreamed that asthma was an issue with him.

What clued us in was he started coughing uncontrollably, almost to the point of not being able to catch his breath after practice. So, now he has to use his inhaler before he does any running. He says it really seems to help. The thing is, even though I am a lot less physically fit than Josh, activity has never been a known asthma trigger of mine. I played varsity tennis in school, and sometimes I played 3+ hours of matches. (Back when I WAS physically fit!)

I can only remember one incident where I had some breathing trouble in the three years I played. I think part of it was it was fall and my allergies were in full swing. Otherwise, I never coughed or got winded. I hope that an inhaler is all Josh is going to need to keep this at bay.

We're still waiting on test results for Rob. That remains in the back of my mind. I know it's weighing heavy on his as well. I just want him to be okay. The whole thing seems to have brought us closer together. Just reminds us of what's important.

I did get most of my Christmas cards ready to send. I did that on Thursday, as per my plan. I do feel like I've accomplished something with that nearly completed.

Last night I went to Bipsy's house for a crop. I got about 5 pages done, which I was pleased with. We had a nice light dinner and snacks, did a lot of talking as usual, and shared ideas. My friend, Sandy, was there, and that was an added bonus. I took a break from my gift album. I'm working on another "portrait" album. What I do with those is just do a basic background paper with an 8" x 10" or 5" x 7" portrait (usually of the kids) and do very minimal decorating. I don't even put them in date order. My goal with the portrait albums is to get the bigger pictures in a safe environment so they don't get damaged. Then the kids can look at them and enjoy the pictures, instead of leaving them stored in envelopes for years.

I plan to let them, when they are adults, pick a few albums to take with them as they establish their own homes. So I don't worry if there are duplicate pictures in the books. My eventual goal is to have all the portraits I have, including sports, school, extended family, etc., in a Creative Memories album. It's a lofty goal, but I'm getting there.

Okay, I've got to get to work. Hope you all are having a decent week. Thanks for letting me rant. I know all things will work out in the end. It's just beating the anxiety in the meantime that's no fun. ;) More later.


Elliemarie said...

Awww, after such a good weekend it sucks to have anxiety come along and crush your spirits. Try not to let it overwhelm you and try doing some breathing exercises and remember things always work out in the end (if only we could skip right to the end and avoid all the worrying life would be great!).

Holli said...

1.) Tucker too has asthma when he gets to really playing hard and wrestling he coughs and can not get his wind. A pill - pink- can't think of the name at this minute works very well for him. I didn't know asthma runs in my family.
2.) Christmas - YUCK! I too am a freaking wreck this year. I have no money. I have $200 to spend total. That means on cakes, cookies, presents and all! Yeah, this will be a creative year.
3.) you have your cards ready to go! I haven't even started yet... now I really feel stressed!
4.) I love you and cherish you and think you are an amazing woman with an amazing family! I am in prayer for Rob and Josh. I do hope all goes well with baseketball and Rob's test.
Hope to see you soon!
5.) the crop sounded like exactly what you needed. Some you time away from it all!

PJ said...

Any update on Rob? I'm sorry I've been scarce. i'm working on final projects for school.

I'm thinking of you lots!! xxxx.