Thursday, October 19, 2006

I'm on a Roller Coaster: Want to Ride, too?

That's just how I feel today. Like I'm on a roller coaster. Non stop emotional hills. Out of control.

Even as I was typing that, a semi went down the hill, and when it applied its brakes, it was freakishly loud, and I just about jumped out of my chair. :)

Anyway, yesterday my contact with the trucking company came back in and picked up my resume. I was jazzed and sure that my next step was out the door.

Last night before I left work my boss defended me to the office grump. It was quite unexpected.

Basically, what happened is, the grump has to provide me with some paperwork in order for me to get part of my job done each week. He can give it to me as early as Wednesday afternoon or as late as Thursday morning. Depending on what kind of mood he is in, he might put off giving me the paperwork as long as possible, so that I have to scramble around Thursday to get all of my work done. In the past, I have asked him to give me the paperwork on Wednesday (especially when Bipsy is gone), because I knew I just couldn't get everything done otherwise.

Yesterday I decided not to say anything to him, because it wasn't worth the hassle. I figured I would just do what I could do and let the rest go.

I was walking down the hallway, and the office grump had turned off his lights and was readying himself to leave for the day. He always leaves a couple of hours earlier than I do. He's rapidly approaching retirement and he's getting a jump start on it to make sure it suits him, I guess.

Anyway, my head boss stopped me on the way down the hallway, and asked if the grump provided me with the paperwork I needed. I told him that I did not have the paperwork. He asked me if I had requested the paperwork. I, again, said no.

He said, "okay." So I hear him in the hallway talking to the office grump, with a firm voice. Not too much later, the office grump hurumphed his way out the front door, grumbling that the paperwork I needed was on the desk.

Later my boss came out and said he wanted to let me know that he didn't expect me to stop what I was doing and take care of that paperwork, but that he felt I should have it available to me if I needed it and decided to work on it. He said he was not going to put up with the grump's s---, because it was petty.

I was so shocked, because my boss is usually so non confrontational. But I felt validated and borderline appreciated.

If you're not asleep yet, the roller coaster continues:

I got a call later from the trucking company customer service manager. He said he was very interested in hiring me, but that he was concerned that my current wage was not "consistent" with the company's starting wage. No kidding! It was $5 less per hour than what I make now! I had to decline going in for an interview. If I got laid off, I could draw unemployment and do better than that! Besides, my kids are getting into a habit of eating, which they'd kind of like to continue doing. :)

So, that's a no go for sure.

Where does that leave me now? Was I not hearing from God? Am I not supposed to leave here? Or just not yet? What now? Do I keep putting my resume out there? Or just live with the way things are? I don't know.

To top it all off, my birth mother would have turned 59 tomorrow. My Aunt Marlene, her twin, turns 59 tomorrow. Yesterday, Aunt Marlene had her surgery on her nose. It all went well. Two days before her birthday; what a present. Geez! At least she's okay, and they already reconstructed her nose. She goes back in Monday for a recheck. Anyway, back to the birthdays:

Coincidentally, my mother-in-law, Shirley, turns 60 tomorrow. I know, my mother and my mother-in-law have the same birthday. Strange.

The 20th is also my friend Tracy's birthday. The 19th is my nephew's birthday. My friend's twins were born on October 18th. Hallmark loves me in October! Thank God for calendars to remind me of these events or I'd go loopy!

Anyway, mom's birthday has bounced around in the back of my head all day. Last year, she was alive on her birthday. This will be the first birthday since she passed.

What's weird is all week I've had my dates mixed up. On the 16th, I thought it was the 17th, and so on. I kept thinking today is the 20th all day. I kept thinking that I would have to put off giving Shirley her scrapbook until later in the weekend, because I have a little work left to do on it. And yet, today is NOT the 20th! For crying out loud, it's the friggin 19th! Geez! Tomorrow I get to live the 20th all over again. ;) Like "Groundhog Day."

Anyway, all that rambling is just to say: I don't know what to do. I am sure I am going to meet myself coming in when I am going out. I feel a bit like my life is out of control.

I sure wish I had some clear cut guidance. Or a stiff drink at this point. :)

Have a good night, all. It's off to run a few errands. Fun! At least it stopped raining....


Holli said...

Oh gosh, I totally relate to the roller coaster ride! My post Monday was such a high and its already been destroyed... I don't understand whats going on. I can't blog about it yet - it's still to painful. I will be okay and I will share the story then. Until then, I love ya girl and I'll be praying for you and your life course!

Deb said...

I have lived through groundhog day myself, but as long as you have prayer and a strong finger to hang on with.... This too shall pass. And remember that he wont put you through anything you can't handle, even when it feels like you can't. Take care and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.


neicybelle said...

how many times have i wished for a voice from the heavens pointing me in the direction i should go...have patience, my friend...i know that's easier said than done...but patience will pay off.

take care and hang in there!

Elliemarie said...

Thank goodness this week is over-riding an emotional roller coaster is never fun. Here's to next week being a better one!

pat said...

How do you keep up with it all?