Tuesday, July 25, 2006

A Series of Embarrassing Mini-Stories

Here's a few short stories...embarrassing but don't take long to tell.

It was 1999 and I had lost weight. I was down to just under my goal weight, and was loving it. I had went out thrift store brousing and bought clothes, but I drew the line at buying my slips and such there. Until I could afford new ones, I was making due with my old, rather loose slips. Though I'd only lost a couple of dress sizes, they were in no way form fitting. But I thought, "Who cares? Who's going to see them?"

On that note I went to Sam's Club, to shop for groceries with Rob. We were walking down a very busy aisle, and I was pushing the cart. The wheel of the cart got caught on something, so I jiggled the cart and went on. A few minutes later, I felt like I was tripping on something, so I looked down at my feet. Around my ankles was my slip. I looked up. Rob was walking right beside me and hadn't noticed a thing. I looked down the aisle and saw a man and his wife staring at me. With as much composure as I could muster, I stepped out of the slip, hooked it with one of my toes, and very quietly dropped it in the trash can at the end of the aisle. I kept on going.

This story again proves that MY HUSBAND NEVER REALLY LOOKS AT ME! ;)

My second short story for the day:

We were in church, and at that time, we went to a very large church. My baby, Jo, was about two at the time. He wasn't fond of going the nursery, so we always sat in the back of the church. He was in the middle of potty training, and a back row seat insured a quick exit if needed.

During the singing, he indicated to Rob and I that he had to "go potty". Rob decided to take him, and I stayed behind, singing away. By the time they got back, it was prayer time. All was quiet in the huge church.

I looked over at the two, walking back to our seats, when all of a sudden, Jo started running to me, excited and very animated. In a voice that was just under a yell, he exclaimed, "MOMMY! I PEED!"

The entire church turned around and started cracking up laughing. Suddenly the back row didn't seem quite obscure enough for me. :)

That's it for today. I won't stop writing until I don't have an ounce of pride left inside me. HAHA! Who am I kidding? I lost all of my pride years ago! :)

7 comments:

neicybelle said...

i've lost a slip before...i make sure those babies stay put now...

that second story is absolutely precious!! i think our kids' proudest moments are our most embarrasing...

Anonymous said...

Did you ever know that some men consider slips sexy? Your stories are great to read...I will be back to get updates! Chris.

Kristi K. said...

Neicy,
You are right. Some of my funniest and most precious stories came straight "out of the mouth of babes."

Chris,
Thanks for stopping by. I'd wager that slips are much sexier when they fit! :) Or so it would seem....
Have a great day!

PJ said...

Ha ha! These were so funny and reminded me of 2 stories.

1. My husband and I attended a primarily black Baptist church for a number of years before we moved away. The choir director attended a different church but every year she'd invite us to her church for a Black History month concert where both of our churches peformed. About 200 people attended. Their church's choir did this great song, very upbeat, everyone was clapping their hands. The choir was on the stage and the choir director was standing on the floor below them. I guess from moving around so much, waving her arms and stepping to the beat, her slip straight off and fell to the ground!! Without missing a beat, she stepped out of it and with her high heeled shoe, tossed into the pew next to her.

2. My friend goes to a Catholic church and her little girl had just started talking. The church got quiet for mass to start and Danielle, pointing to Jesus on the crucifix screams out, LOOK Momma! Naked MAN!!

:)

Kristi K. said...

OH my gosh! Those are so funny, Pam! Who knew the that so many people have experienced losing a slip in public place?! Perhaps I should start a support group! :) Nothing like ones' slip giving them the slip! HAHA!

I guess with church, it's just Murphy's law that the time it gets quiet is the time a child will speak loudly. Oh boy. Talk about wanting to crawl under a pew!

Holli said...

Oh so funny - so here's my sister's story.. I've kept the email all these years so when I'm having a bad day I can remember it isn't that bad afterall!So here it is: OK, so I'm walking down main street today, feeling pretty good, hair looks good, like my outfit, life's going ok - and my skirt feels like it is full of static all the sudden, kinda tight around my calves, ya know? And so I keep walking and I feel something at my ankles, I look down to find the elastic in my slip has come out and my slip is around my ankles!!!!!!!! So, being the level headed person I am (!?!) simply bent over, stepped out the slip and put it in my purse and continued on my merry way. I just LOVE MONDAYS!!
So don't feel bad Kris it's happened to the best of us!

Kristi K. said...

Holli, that is so funny! I'm starting to think I should take a poll to see how many of us goofy women have had this unfortunate experience! ;)
Thanks for giving me a good laugh! I love ya, sis!