13 Things People Have Said to Me that Were Intended as Compliments but Ended up Sounding Like Insults in Disguise....

1. The first pseudo-compliment was uttered when I was a teen by my best friend, Wyn, who I'd known since I was three years old. She was doing my makeup for a prom I was attending in my freshman year of high school. My date was a junior at a school several counties away, and his mom was on her way to pick me up for the big night. I was nervous, and as a result, I had developed a huge zit right in the middle of my nose. Wyn, older than me by six months, (and much wiser, I surmised) was working furiously at damage control, attempting to cover the blemish. She finished her work, stepped back, and declared, "Okay, done. You are going to look really good in the dark."
2. I had just gotten my senior pictures back and was extremely satisfied with them. One of my friends, an amateur photographer, had taken them, and I was delighted with the results. I took them to work with me to share some with my coworkers. One of the first girls to see them shared my enthusiasm on how well the pictures turned out. "WOW!" she exclaimed, "These shots are great! They don't look anything like you!"
3. I had only been married a couple of years, and at the time I was working as a waitress. Every day I wore black slacks, a white (man's) long sleeve dress shirt, a tie, and an apron. This was our required uniform. I had to wear my hair tied back in a bun, as it was pretty long. My guaranteed day off each week was Sunday, and on the way home from church one week, my hubby and I happened to see his uncle at our local grocery store. Before we even had a chance to start chatting, Robert's uncle assessed my church attire, complete with flowery dress, pantyhose and high heels, and he blurted out: "Wow! Kris! You actually look like a woman today!"
4. Once I took an office job, the pounds began to creep up slowly. I decided to start a workout program, in hopes of winning the battle of the bulge. I had a stepper, which I used faithfully, and had worked up to about 45 minutes a day. I was losing weight, and was quite excited! I was speaking to my coworker and friend, who I could commiserate with on weight gain issues, as she had gained a few pounds over the years as well. I had just read an article that I found interesting, and welcomed her thoughts on the subject matter. "This article," I explained, "says that if a person carries their weight primarily in their rear, they should not use a stepper. It says that it will build additional muscle in the buttocks and make the person's backside appear that much larger." I paused, pondering this potential setback. "I wonder if I should change my workout routine?" I mumbled. My friend didn't take long to offer a response. "If you ask me," she declared, "It can't get any worse!" I think I laughed for ten minutes. My friend insists, to this day, that she was talking about herself when she made the comment, but I'm not totally convinced....
5. "Wow! You sure carry your weight well!" is one I hear frequently....gotta love that one. :)
6. My sister-in-law is the queen of backhanded compliments. One day she came over, just as I was getting ready to head out to run some errands. I had taken care with my makeup that day, something I didn't always do on my days off. Kay took notice. "Wow." she pointed out, "You really are one of those people who look a lot better with makeup on." (She is right.)
7. You never know what my kids are going to come up with. They can slice and dice me without even intending to. One day my kids were looking through my high school yearbooks. They paused to read the inscriptions left by my fellow classmates, friends, former boyfriends, teachers, etc. My daughter was fascinated to see that I actually had a life before I married and had kids. After a bit, she formed a conclusion: "Mom, you know something? You were far too pretty back then to have all those ugly boyfriends." HUH?
8. Likewise, the junior high yearbook perusing didn't turn out much better. I was an awkward preteen with huge owl-like glasses, braces, a poor complexion and a goofy hair cut. To say that my junior high school photos were unflattering would be an understatement. Jess struggled to find something positive to say in light of these rather embarrassing photos. "Well, Mom," she assured me, "At least you had good taste in shirts."
9. Even my hair dresser got in on the fun. My friend had purchased a "works" session for me. So instead of just my usual cut, I was treated to eyebrow wax, hair color, etc. How fun! Trish had just finished doing my eyebrows and stood back to take a look. "They look great! See?" she showed me, quickly flashing a mirror in front of me. "Now, do you want me to do something about that mustache?"
10. My husband also gets in on the double talk. One day he looked at me and said, "You know what? Your weight has never been an issue for me, no matter how much you've gained. I think you still look good." Uh...gee, thanks, hon.
11. I made a grave error in the hair care aisle. Instead of grabbing my normal "light brownish auburn" shade to cover my gray, I grabbed something that was a more dark purplish red that screamed "Flaming redhead alert, avert your eyes!" My husband was shocked to see the change, but tried to give me a boost of confidence. "I'll be glad when that grows out, but until then, I'm just going to call you my little redbird." Okay, thanks for that, babe.
12. This one is something my sweet, well intentioned hubby has said on more than one occasion: "I can always tell when you're losing weight, because your chin thins out right away." (What he's saying is, in reality, is that I go from two or three chins to one!) ;)
13. When I got acrylic nails put on for the first (and last) time, my friend remarked, "Wow, your fingers don't look nearly as stubby now!" ;)

Hope you got at least a chuckle or two at my expense! ;) Have a great Thursday!