Thursday, January 25, 2007


My suspicions were correct. Josh's girlfriend, I'll call her "C.", who Jess goes to school with, confirmed that Josh and she were indeed on the phone, arguing until 5 a.m. and that they broke up during that conversation. Josh and C. have been "going out" for about a year now, and they have pretty much argued and bickered the entire time. They so seldom get to see each other because her dad is against biracial relationships, so most of their relationship has been over the phone. She doesn't even go to Josh's school anymore.

Despite this, more information has been brought to our attention regarding Josh's recent behavior.

Robert and I decided to let Josh go with a friend, his friend's date, and C., a few weeks ago. We seldom allow him to go anywhere that we don't drop him off and pick him up. He'd been keeping his grades up and working so hard at basketball, that I told Robert I thought he'd earned the right to go. Plus, Josh's friend is C's cousin, so we figured her cousin would make sure everything was on the up and up. They said they were going to the mall, and would be back in a few hours. In fact, they were back in about an hour and a half. I even called once during that time to make sure they were okay. The first time I called, his voice mail picked up. The second time I called, he answered and said everything was fine and that they were on their way home.

Apparently what happened was Josh's friend and his date left Josh and C. alone in the car. Josh and C. had sex....unprotected. I guess it's happened once since then from what I can gather. I'm not sure when, unless it was right after school, because that's the only time we've allowed him to go anywhere without us. I've confirmed this information with three sources and it is all posted on Josh's "My Space" page as well.

Last night Josh called home and asked us why we didn't come to visit him in the detention center. I told him we needed some time to regroup after what happened. I calmly explained all the new information we had...about him staying up all night, about him breaking up with C., and about the sexual encounter in the car. He admitted to it all. He claims "he was going to tell us."

Right now I am just trying to gather myself for this hearing. I am getting my work done here, and attempting to keep my thoughts focused. The thing is, I just don't know what to focus ON right now. I mean, I feel like I took a beating and was nearly killed over a girl. Why?! Why?! Why?!

Robert is in total shock, and while he's a good man, he's not much help in the sympathetic, give me a hug, ask me how I am feeling department. He went home, cooked dinner, made me a smoothie because he thought it would help my throat. He does what he can to keep things running, and I guess having his practicality is something I take for granted. I am so blessed to have a husband who cooks, although it would be nice to have one who hugs, too. He's just been so angry about all of this that he's practically shut down emotionally.

I've had several calls from friends, and I talked at length with a counselor from the court system last night. She says she hasn't seen an attack on a parent by a juvenile this vicious...."with strangulation as the method" as she put it, in quite a long time. She says she is indeed frightened for the three of us, Jess, Jo and I, if he returns to the home. We went over some options and hope to incorporate some of them after we know what the court has to say.

My little one was saying last night, "Mommy, I think I saved your life. I hit Josh on his back and was yelling, 'Get off of mom! Get off of mom!' Did you hear me? Do you think I saved your life?" He kept hugging me and kissing me, and wouldn't leave my side. I told him I heard him yelling "Get off of Mom, Josh!" but I didn't know he was hitting him, because I couldn't see behind Josh. I told him that he did help save me and how brave he was for doing so. Jess ran out of the room during the situation, but was yelling, "Stop it! Stop it! Stop it, Josh!" from the living room.

One thing is for sure, what affection I lack with Robert, the hugs, the kisses, my little one makes up for. I truly don't know how I would feel today if it weren't for his loving kindness.

Well, I've got lots of work to do. Today, I am so stiff and sore that I can barely walk and it hurts to move my head, sneeze, eat, chew, swallow, whatever. But I think I'm strong, and I think I can make it. I'm getting those prayers and healing thoughts. I'm getting them. Thank you. It's helping me get through this.


Elliemarie said...

I hope the hearing will bring forth some action to get Josh the help he needs and let you and your family begin to heal .

Poor little Jo! He must of been so scared, but so brave at the same time to try and save you from someone so much bigger than he is. I'm glad he is able to bring you some comfort at this time.

You ARE strong and you WILL make it through this.

pat said...

I am thinking about you Kristy. Yes I agree the attack on you by a son was vicious. I am sure your husband is trying to process all this himself but hugs do help alot.

The thing is your son is angry and from what I understand Anger is a form of fear. Most people can process these emotions even those kids going through the tough teen years. Your son is not able to. The girlfriend was just the trigger that set him off. Something deep down inside him needs to be fixed. Take care of yourself and let the courts help you because next time it made be too late.

Holli said...

Oh my poor Kris!! I tried to reply yesterday and it wouldn't let me. Honey if there is ANYTHING I can do PLEASE PLEASE let me! I am proud of you for following through and having the police come. So many parents don't follow through and their children never get help. They bail them out and drop charges and everything else and it fails the child. I know it had to be one of the hardest things to do, to watch your child be taken away. God was standing with you. God was also protecting you, be glad that you are alive! I pray for you and your family. I pray that once Robert has had time to digest the situation that God will allow him to come to you with emotion and support. You two will need to be there for each other. Oh honey, I just pray for you, for peace, for healing now, for healing in the family. Family counseling would be a GREAT place to start for Jess and Jo. That is so very traumatic for them to see. I pray that a city nearby will have the help that Josh needs and that God will send the Dr to you, a Dr that will do his best for Josh and monitor him closely! I know Robert isn't fond of alot of company but really if there is anything I can do to help please please let me know!

neicybelle said...

wow...that's a lot to process...holli is right about jess and jo...find someone they can talk to who can help them process what happened. counseling has been a great help for my amy, and i know it will help your kids...and don't let rob go too long without some hug intervention...i know he has to work through it in his own way, but he's got to talk and connect physically too...

love you so much and i know you will do what is right by your family, no matter how tough it seems right now. don't give up on your son...but protect yourself and your family first...

*hugs her with all of my heart*