Thursday, April 13, 2006

Feeling Just a Little Superficial...and I'm O.K. with That

That sums it up. I'm feeling a, I lied: downright superficial today. I'm okay with that.

I feel good. My hair looks pretty darn good. It feels silky and is actually behaving itself, having actually responded to the curling iron the way I intended. I'm wearing a shirt that fits me well and compliments my....well rounded curves. To boot, it matches the color green that my eyes are. I am feeling downright...dare I say it... sexy today.

It won't last. I'll get a sideways glance at my profile accidently and it will all turn to crap in 0 to 60. But I'm embracing the "hot to trot" vibes for now. Yesterday I did some spot painting on a ladder around our full length mirror. Needless to say, I wasn't feeling all that hot to trot yesterday during or after. Today I'm trying to put that memory somewhere deep into my subconscious.

Part of this borderline conceited attitude is the weather. It's sunny, 70 something and gorgeous out. My moods are so impacted by the seasons. By winter's end I am usually ready to make some kind of drastic life-changing decision. Then spring comes and the feel-good hormones return...suddenly everything is right in the world again and all the would-be changes fade into oblivion.

Alas, not all is perfect in my little superficial world.

Rob is mad at me...and I am the slightest bit hacked off at him, but this wouldn't be the first time for either of us. We're having an appraiser come to the house for...guess appraisal. We are going to do some financial rearranging, refinancing and whatnot so we can pay off our city house and actually be able to breathe for awhile. The two oldest will be 18....Josh in 3 years' time and Jess in little over 4 years time. If we want to plan any major family vacations anytime soon, we're going to have to do some slight of hand financially. After the kids are (in the law's eyes) adults, it'll be touch and go just how long the family unit as we now know it will remain a cohesive unit. Paying two mortgage payments, even though one will be paid in full next year, is quite a juggling act, so time to act or forever hold our peace.

Anway, we've known about this appraisal for several weeks, but no one seems all that concerned about it but me. Rob sat around watching the Cavs game last night. He gets home from work first and was supposed to have the kids all do some kind of cleaning project. Jess, of course, did hers quickly and efficiently, impressing me as always with her great domestic skill at such a young age. The boys didn't do squat. At eight, Jo-Jo can't be expected to perform miracles, but even he can wipe down the fridge with wipes or tidy up something. Josh, at 15, should be the helping hand we can truly rely on, as he's taller than me and nearly as strong as Rob. But no. He's only interested in t.v., his girlfriend, or his video games at this point.

In conclusion, I blew a gasket. I yelled, and huffed and puffed and ranted. In response, got the eye rolling from Rob with muttered protest under his breath and some smart alleck remarks from Josh. Jo-Jo hopped to doing what I assigned him, and Jess smiled because she was the only one not in trouble at this point. She went out onto the enclosed porch and vacuumed the carpet and then came in asked me what else I needed done, although she was technically done with her assigned chores. Then she followed me around the house chatting about her day while I finished up some tasks I had to do. Eventually, Rob sent Josh off to do some actual work, and I finally went to bed after ten.

I can't get too bent out of shape about this for two reasons: A.) I just can't. I'm the type of person who usually just says what they think right off the bat and gets it over with and moves on. I get mad, explode, then leave it. One of the hardest things for me to do is hold a grudge. It just feels like extra baggage I don't need and it bogs down my relationships. The drawback to forgiving so easily (many people think there are no drawbacks to forgiving easily, but there are) is that people tend to repeat their past behaviors. I end up getting mad over the same stuff time and again, because it never truly gets worked out. I can't stay mad long enough to make a point and follow through with it. B.) I knew Rob was a huge procrastinator when I married him going on 15 years ago. He's never changed and more than likely never will. I can either freak out about it every single time or just do stuff myself. I know he loves me, I don't doubt that. He's a hard worker, does the bulk of the cooking, loves the kids and he is very indulgent of my hobbies and love of animals. Basically, we're pretty well suited and deal well with one another's personality quirks. I could go on and on about his good attributes or go on and on about the trivial bad traits he possesses. Right now the issue that's bugging me is just he's way too laid back to think ahead. Oh well. Noboday's perfect, and if they were, they sure wouldn't want to be married to me. :) Hopefully we'll spend five minutes talking about it, put it behind us as usual, and go on with our week.

Enough of that subject.

Tonight is a crop (scrapbooking) at my dear friend, S.'s house. Many of our circle of friends that normally attend won't be there due to work or having to be out of town. That's okay, though. While I love laughing and joking around with all of them, this might be a good opportunity to hang out with S. and see what's going on in her life these days. It's been several months since I've been to a crop and I'm really looking forward to it.

Okay, I'm going to close this post and do some work. I've been minimizing the screen, working, going back to the blog, then working again. It's time to put this post out of its misery. It was kind of conceited to start with, so I say what goes up must come down.

More later.

No comments: