Continuation

My suspicions were correct. Josh's girlfriend, I'll call her "C.", who Jess goes to school with, confirmed that Josh and she were indeed on the phone, arguing until 5 a.m. and that they broke up during that conversation. Josh and C. have been "going out" for about a year now, and they have pretty much argued and bickered the entire time. They so seldom get to see each other because her dad is against biracial relationships, so most of their relationship has been over the phone. She doesn't even go to Josh's school anymore.

Despite this, more information has been brought to our attention regarding Josh's recent behavior.

Robert and I decided to let Josh go with a friend, his friend's date, and C., a few weeks ago. We seldom allow him to go anywhere that we don't drop him off and pick him up. He'd been keeping his grades up and working so hard at basketball, that I told Robert I thought he'd earned the right to go. Plus, Josh's friend is C's cousin, so we figured her cousin would make sure everything was on the up and up. They said they were going to the mall, and would be back in a few hours. In fact, they were back in about an hour and a half. I even called once during that time to make sure they were okay. The first time I called, his voice mail picked up. The second time I called, he answered and said everything was fine and that they were on their way home.

Apparently what happened was Josh's friend and his date left Josh and C. alone in the car. Josh and C. had sex....unprotected. I guess it's happened once since then from what I can gather. I'm not sure when, unless it was right after school, because that's the only time we've allowed him to go anywhere without us. I've confirmed this information with three sources and it is all posted on Josh's "My Space" page as well.

Last night Josh called home and asked us why we didn't come to visit him in the detention center. I told him we needed some time to regroup after what happened. I calmly explained all the new information we had...about him staying up all night, about him breaking up with C., and about the sexual encounter in the car. He admitted to it all. He claims "he was going to tell us."

Right now I am just trying to gather myself for this hearing. I am getting my work done here, and attempting to keep my thoughts focused. The thing is, I just don't know what to focus ON right now. I mean, I feel like I took a beating and was nearly killed over a girl. Why?! Why?! Why?!

Robert is in total shock, and while he's a good man, he's not much help in the sympathetic, give me a hug, ask me how I am feeling department. He went home, cooked dinner, made me a smoothie because he thought it would help my throat. He does what he can to keep things running, and I guess having his practicality is something I take for granted. I am so blessed to have a husband who cooks, although it would be nice to have one who hugs, too. He's just been so angry about all of this that he's practically shut down emotionally.

I've had several calls from friends, and I talked at length with a counselor from the court system last night. She says she hasn't seen an attack on a parent by a juvenile this vicious...."with strangulation as the method" as she put it, in quite a long time. She says she is indeed frightened for the three of us, Jess, Jo and I, if he returns to the home. We went over some options and hope to incorporate some of them after we know what the court has to say.

My little one was saying last night, "Mommy, I think I saved your life. I hit Josh on his back and was yelling, 'Get off of mom! Get off of mom!' Did you hear me? Do you think I saved your life?" He kept hugging me and kissing me, and wouldn't leave my side. I told him I heard him yelling "Get off of Mom, Josh!" but I didn't know he was hitting him, because I couldn't see behind Josh. I told him that he did help save me and how brave he was for doing so. Jess ran out of the room during the situation, but was yelling, "Stop it! Stop it! Stop it, Josh!" from the living room.

One thing is for sure, what affection I lack with Robert, the hugs, the kisses, my little one makes up for. I truly don't know how I would feel today if it weren't for his loving kindness.

Well, I've got lots of work to do. Today, I am so stiff and sore that I can barely walk and it hurts to move my head, sneeze, eat, chew, swallow, whatever. But I think I'm strong, and I think I can make it. I'm getting those prayers and healing thoughts. I'm getting them. Thank you. It's helping me get through this.