Oh, For a Remote Control!

If I had a remote control, I think I'd be tempted to fast forward through this week.

I've been coping with things the best I know how, but I guess the most accurate way I can describe how I'm feeling is this:

I'll be walking along, doing housework, feeding the dogs or whatever and suddenly anxiety will hit me like a punch in the gut. It will almost knock the wind out of me. I'll immediately get a sinking feeling in my stomach, thinking about having to go to court, or having to go to the psychological exam with Josh or about some financial issue....

It's as if I'm driving along on the road of life, nothing eventful happening; just cruising at 55 mph, and out of nowhere my transmission slams down to first gear. My car jerks and sputters then settles in to a mere crawl. My first reaction is shock, and then once I realize what's happened, I am able to start to shift out of first and resume speed. That's kind of what it feels like. It's the strangest feeling.

I think perhaps it's a side effect of all this stress that I'm suppressing, trying to cope with all at once. I am doing very well at getting out of the "gear" quickly, but I am really tired. I want all of the stress to just abracadabra away. I want to go pay the fine and be done with it. I want a magic wand to make my son a happy, well adjusted young man. I want a money fairy to pay all of my bills....ones I know about and future ones...with a mere sprinkling of fairy dust. They could do my taxes, too, while they were paying bills. I want everything all neat and prepackaged and calm and....easy. I guess that's what it boils down to. I just want my life to be easy for a change. Ha! What I want and what I get are two vastly different stories.

I guess I'm just a bit overwhelmed at this point. I find myself getting that way from time to time. I like my life 9 days out of 10. 9 days out of 10 my life is not overwhelming stressful. Yes, it's busy. But usually not overwhelmingly stressful. But on that 1 day out of 10 that the stress hits me, it can really be a doozy.

I'll get through this. I always do. In the meantime, hope you are having a good Monday, and that you had a great weekend. It's supposed to warm up! Let's cross our fingers!

More later.