Writing a Poem for Josh

I Promise You

i promise you
i had only your best in mind
when i gazed upon your tiny face.
i had so many doubts
so many fears
so many worries
for i was just 18 years of age
but i promise you
i had only your best in mind.

i promise you
i was careful to a fault
wasn't going to eat a thing
do a thing
be around anyone or anything
that would do you harm
while you were growing inside of me
or when you emerged into the world
i promise you
i was careful to a fault.

i promise you
i had more fear
than i had confidence
didn't know how to hold you
wasn't sure how to mold you
didn't want to mess things up
but i thought you were amazing
couldn't believe i helped make you
such personality from day one
i was in awe of you
but i promise you
i had more fear than confidence.

i promise you
i just wanted you to be happy
safe and warm and protected
i wanted to see you shine
so everyone could see what i
saw in your eyes.
spunk and intelligence
humor and brilliance
spirituality and wisdom
i promise you
i just wanted you to be happy

we're at a point where i wonder how
i ended up hurting you so deeply
that you'd want to hurt me so much.
i don't know who you are and that scares me
more than the first time i held you
more than the first time i let you go
and more than anything i still
want you to be happy
to live a life without so much fear
where you're careful and yet take chances when you should
and that you have what's best for you in mind...for your future.
because it won't be long until you walk away
and whatever i did or didn't do
it will be all about you,
and i want someone to promise me that you'll be okay.