For Those Who Need a Smile

Here's another email forward I saved because I thought it was cute. Hope it brings a smile to your face.

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out.
But I can usually shut her up with cookies.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes (at 73)-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
-Janette Barber-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
-Lily Tomlin-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
-Carrie Snow-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
-Laurie Kuslansky-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
-Erma Bombeck-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Old age ain't no place for sissies.
-Bette Davis-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
-Rhonda Hansome-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
-Jane Sellman-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows.
-Jennifer Unlimited-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
-Charlotte Whitton-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
-Caryn Leschen-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once.
-Jennifer Unlimited-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
-Catherine-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb -- and I'm also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
-Sue Grafton-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country..
-Elayne Boosler-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man.
If you want anything done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt-